MORE TEXTS FROM STRAWBERRY AND SHORTCAKE...

On Saturdays, I tell the girls to let Mom sleep in.  They are old enough now to get up, get their breakfast, and watch a few cartoons while Mommy recovers a bit.  Every once in awhile, if I'm taking too long to get up, one of the girls will come crawl in bed with me, coax me out, torture me until I get up, or whatever it takes.  I had a text saved in my phone from Strawberry...about ten months ago....December 2010.  I forgot about it until I saw it today. 

It must have been one of those mornings I didn't want to get up.  She took my cell phone off my nightstand, texted me...and left the room....  My phone beeped. I picked it up.  With sleepy eyes I read: 

"Hi mommy I love you now get your donkey out of bed".

Love my kids.

Smarter Than Her Math Score Indicates....

Strawberry gets into the car yesterday and announces that she had an especially hard math test that day.   Out of 30 problems...she missed 16.

Strawberrry:  "But why do they have to make it so hard!?"

Me:  "Well, so they are able to test you and find out what you do know and what you don't know." 

Strawberry:  "Well, I think they got their answer."

TEXTS FROM STRAWBERRY and SHORTCAKE...

This is going to be a little "segment" I do from time to time -- starting now.  It's called "Texts From Strawberry and Shortcake...."  It's pretty self explanatory.  As parents, our kids get ahold of our cell phones and play with them.  Later, I'll be checking my texting "inbox", and find a GEM from the girls in there for me.  Here's one of my favorites:

(Sent from Shortcake)  "Hi. Mommy this. Is. Katy.Perry.    Mommy. I. Love. Her. I. Rile. Like. Her. O ya. O.Ya. O. Ya. O. Ya from :-) mckenna"

Stand Your Ground...

I'm sitting in my bedroom, checking my Facebook, overhearing this conversation between my girls (who are also hanging out in their bedroom):

Shortcake: "SMELL MY FEET!"
Strawberry: "NO."
Shortcake: "SMELL MY FEET!"
Strawberry: "NO."
Shortcake: "SMELL MY FEET!"
Strawberry: "NO."
Shortcake: "SMELL MY FEET!"
Strawberry:  "NO."
 
Wierdos.  They definitely belong to our family. 

HUMP Day...

(I found this old blog post that never posted in the archives. 

Technically, this happened about a year ago this May.  But I had to share...)

The days of "innocence" in our home...may be past us.

Berkeley and I are talking tonight.  The topic of the saying "That's What She Said" came up.  This is the conversation:

Berkeley:  "What does that mean, anyway?"

Me:  "That's What She Said"? 

Berkeley:  "Yeah."

Me:  "Um, well...let me think of a way to explain it so that a kid can understand it.  Because it's a saying that adults use. And it's kind of naughty."

Berkeley:  "Just tell me, Mom.  I'm not FIVE anymore!"

Me: (smiling...) "No, you're NINE!"

Berkeley:  "Mom, I already know about kissing.  And humping.  In fact, ****** and I were just talking the other day and she said: "Wasn't it wierd when they were kissing in bed in 'Marly and Me'?"  And I told her..."Well, they were trying to make a baby."  And she said  "Ew!" 

Me: "Well, it's time for us to take stuff out to the car...so go get your shoes on."

Usually this type of distraction method does not work for Berkeley, but this time it did.  So in my head I was cheering:

"Hallelujah!!"

Then my brain replied: 

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!" 

Yeah, That's The ONE...

Shortcake:  "Mom...I just said the  (whispers) 'f word'."
Mom: "You did ??  Which 'f word' did you say?
Shortcake: She puts her hand up to her mouth, gets on her tip toes, and whispers in my ear..."Freakin".
Mom:  "Oooohhhh.....THAT 'f word' is probably all right to say. Just try not to say the one that rhymes with 'truck'. Okay?"
Shortcake:  (thinking to herself for a few seconds...) "FRUCK?"
Mom:  "Yep.  That's the one." 

Pardon my french, but she is so, (whisper) 'frucking', cute. ;)

When They're Cute, They're Cute

I head towards the livingroom to watch a movie with the girls.

Berkeley says "DON'T COME IN HERE YET ! We're making you a SURPRISE! We only need about 20 more minutes! Do NOT be concerned!"

Now, I'm concerned.

I wait patiently for about twelve more minutes, and then get the "okay" to come in.  

McKenna, standing on a step stool at the end of the hallway, gave me a "ticket" to enter the livingroom.  Berkeley made the "announcements".

 We'd gone earlier to the Redbox and rented two movies. So they had made some movie night "preparations".  The livingroom was decorated with yarn (as make-shift "crepe paper streamers" ) and in the middle of the design hung a sign that said:

"Today Girly-Girl Theater presents......
"16 Wishes" and
"Beezus & Ramona"
Hope You Enjoy the Show!"

I had a blanket and spot to sit in, they had blankets and "special seating"as well.  There were other "movie guests" attending (stuffed animals and baby dolls). 

There were even refreshments.  In a bowl for each of us was one cookie, one baby candy cane, pretzels, popcorn, carmel popcorn, and blue-raspberry Frootie candies. (Note to self: Might be time to get some healthy snacks.)

I gotta say....when they're cute, they're cute. 

Fat Mom, Skinny Mom - A blog to follow!

http://www.fatskinnymom.com/2010/giveaways/bath-body-works-giveaway/

My girlfriend, Callee, is starting her own blog for Moms.  It is going to be AWESOME!  Go check it out...and hurry...because she is doing a GIVE-AWAY!

Let it be said, let it be type-written....

I may go back later and change the girl's names to their code names in all previous blog posts, but from here on out, my little ladies will be refered to as:

Oldest - "Strawberry" (She was allergic to these when she was little and couldn't eat anything with them.  She's grown out of them now and loves them!)

Youngest - "Shortcake" (She's short.  She never eats cake, only the frosting.  But "Short Frosting" didn't have quite the ring to it.)

Thanks for your understanding, as I work to make this blog a little more "less public", without going private.

Im a Woman, Im allowed....

....to change my mind.  :)

I didn't realize that making my blog private, would also make it so that I can only have 100 people read it.  I have a larger reading base than that...so I am staying public.  However - I will be changing the children's names to code names. 

I hope that you will join me for the next entry...coming soon!

I don't want to...but....

My ex has asked me to go private.  So...if you want to continue following the blog -- then please send me your email address.  If you are a stranger...you must identify yourself and give me a way to see that you are real....like your blog...or who you know through me...so I can verify it.  I will leave this notice up for two weeks and then take the big leap.  :(    I may just have a public blog that doesn't identify me totally....and then post family stuff privately.  We'll see.  Until then....I hope to hear from you!

Uncle Crazy Pants...

THIS is what happens....

when Uncle Randy comes to visit. 

And...

IF you're lucky....

He will allow you to give him a free pedi when all the TORTURE is through.

This makes for a pretty, cool, Uncle.

That Depends....Does He Wear DEPENDS?

You have to be very, very specific in the "qualities" you want in a man! 

Just tonight, my girlfriend was laughing at me about something I said in regards to dating. 

She had asked if I had any new "love" interests. 

I was telling her about his really "promising" guy I had been texting and talking to on the phone.  

It hadn't really, "panned out" though, and I was disappointed. 

She just thought it was funny when I whined at the end of the whole discussion:

"But, but, this one was EMPLOYED!!"

Yes, my friends, the pickin's are THAT slim. 

You can understand, then...

why I found this comic to be so, completely hilarious:

You are not Invisible to Him... Happy Mother's Day

Dear Single Men....

You never know what lies...just below the surface.

Dear Single Men,

Take a chance on the girl with the acne...she can't help that she has it.  And, if you hit on her while she has a big zit on her nose....trust me...you'll get bonus points for seeing past THAT and into her eyes.  Acne goes...those eyes are forever.

Take a chance on the girl with the extra weight...she's working on it.  Besides, she may be an excellent cook.  And...The girls who aren't given a chance (because of their weight) have often spent their time working on other ways to be beautiful to you.

Take a chance on the single Mom.  She's a tough cookie.  She'll give you 110% and do it well.

Take a chance on the girl with the wrinkles...she's earned them and she may be full of wisdom and experience.

Take a chance on the girl who dresses less fashionably.  She lives within her means, even if it means she can't dress like everyone else. If her clothes are old and full of holes...perhaps she puts the needs of her kids before her own.  She wishes more than anything that she could dress better...but she can't right now.  When it's time for her to dress up for you...watch out!

Take a chance on the girl with dry, cracked hands.  She works hard, plays hard, cleans well, and is softer than you ever knew - on the inside. 

Take a chance on the girl who is always late.  She may be bad with time, but excellent with love.  She may have been late because she was talking to a friend in need, or taking extra time on her make-up to look good for YOU. 

Take time on the shy girl.  For once you get-to-know her you might realize that someone amazing lies within.  And once she 'opens up'...it will be like opening a present.

Take a chance on the girl who seems unorganized.  She won't be able to find her keys...but she'll always know where the key to your heart is. 

Take a chance on the girl with the messy car.  You may like your car clean, but she's amazing with all that she can accomplish in a day.  She can make it to ten or fifteen places in a day and, quite frankly, she doesn't have time for loose french fries.  She'll get to them later. (Refer back to "girl with cracked, dry hands" and remember "she cleans well"). 

Take a chance on the girl with the chaotic household.  She really plays with her children, she talks to them, and she may even take time to herself to read books on "How to be a Better Lover".  She knows what's important in life. And the dishes will wait until after your hot, romantic interlude that night. 

And finally....

Take a chance on the girl with the stretch marks at the swimming pool.  I have no good reason for this...except that girls with stretch marks need love too.  And, I eventually need to find a mate.  So, just give her a chance, would ya???  

Thanks. 

Sincerely,

The Girl Next Door