A really, true, Diva

doesn't give up her "Diva" ...
in her sleep.

I'm too SEXY for my ....

Okay, I have tried in the past AND more recently to do my part in bettering my community. I don't litter, I vote, and I even discourage my children from picking flowers in public displays. (Hey - at least it's something!) But no cause is more dear to my heart, than my efforts to enlighten my male friends on the eyesores and annoyances caused by misuse of the white sock and shorts in public.

It's truly not right. I mean, MUST YOU men pull that white sock ALL THE WAY up to your knee cap? Really? If your legs are cold...wear pants! Don't just pull the socks up...you look ridiculous! This is not an attractive look - if you're a single man looking to "snag a lady" while out on that Wal-Mart run. This isn't even a trendy look! It's just "HOT TO NOT"! ("Just Say No" - would also apply here.)

Because my efforts to notify the male species about this problem have been unheeded, I have had to take my cause to a more serious level. I am fully aware that these photos are going to be difficult to look at, but if it can help you start to recognize and accept the problem within yourself - your wife/girlfriend, your children, and your friends will thank me later.

Some of you have messaged me on Facebook and argued that socks worn this way is "comfortable". I understand. But, to be fair, BRAS aren't comfortable. Perhaps we women shall stop wearing them and go for "comfort" too!? How would you like that??? Wait - the men I know would totally enjoy a bunch of bra-less women in their community. (Re-Thinking....) Skinny Jeans are uncomfortable...how about we women stop wearing THOSE???? Huh? No more "tight butts" to "drive you nuts" ? How do you like that, Men? Do we wear things that we hate to make YOUR LIVES better? Okay then....perhaps we should "man down" our socks a little....?

Some of you have also argued that "ankle socks" look "lame". First off...I disagree. I think ankle socks are a WAY sexier look than the "knee cap trend". However, I realize that my opinion isn't the only one that counts. I started asking my girlfriends (both married and single) what they thought. Without formal results posted, I need you to know that 100% of women asked, agreed that ankle socks are either sexy or a WAY better alternative. **It should also be noted that women ESPECIALLY have issues with men wearing socks with sandals. Anyhow....back to the issue at hand....or should I say FOOT? (wah, wah, waaaaahhH!)


Because I had to be both quick and inconspicuous about getting these photos...some are blurry. But, it had to be actual REAL occurances and I had to have my phone handy. Faces were never photographed out of respect for the family and friends of the individuals committing such a nasty fopa.

The Albertson's Atrocity....


The Costco Criminal....


The Bullet Bike Bozo...


And finally, my personal favorite,
because no sock can be TOO high...
I went to play BINGO with my Mom
and captured this beauty:

B-9 or MALIGNANT?

I know, it's hard to look at, isn't it?

I've posted this as winter approaches...to give you men the opportunity to wear those socks pulled up as HIGH as you like while you wear your pants for the upcoming months. Just purchase some ankle socks and get ready...because next summer is your summer to SHINE! This is, as opposed, to your socks shining. Don't let those cotton socks steal your "mojo"...be your own MACHO MAN! You CAN!

Finally....I have to send out major PROPS to the men of TOOELE!! I went to a Wal-Mart there yesterday, with my camera all ready to go, just WAITING for my last blog victims. I couldn't find ONE man in the store that didn't have shorts and ankle socks on! It was awesome! I've never been more turned-on in a Wal-Mart! They are raising them right in that city. My "Prince" just may be hiding there....

Because Housework is Boring....

So, we normally announce family weddings. But this one sort of sprung up on us unexpectedly. While we would have liked to have had many of you attend, there just wasn't time to get out formal invitations. Rest assured though, it was a beautful day, with a beautiful couple, and an AMAZING photographer -- who provided us with a lifetime of memories. The couple looked perfect, like "Ken and Barbie" almost! (It made me want to throw up a bit in my mouth...some couples are just MADE to go together.) Anyhow, Troy and Samantha were married in the Perschon Palace, on Saturday, August 15, 2009. I'll post Samantha's "bridal" photos first, and then the wedding pictures will follow:

Samantha chose an "off-the-shoulder" gown, with lace
accents and a toule veil and train.

Samantha was certain that this light, pink, "strawberries
n' cream" lip color was perfect for her gown. As you can
see....she was right.


Samantha had her hair pulled back in a classy braid, allowing
for halter straps on the shoulders, with a neckline that any bride
would die to have!



Here Samantha shows off the dress' train. It's length flowed
from the kneeline at the back of the dress...out seven inches!
Our "studio back-drop" wasn't even long enough to capture it! We
had to allow some "unsightly side-wall exposure" to give you the
full effect of the train's grand beauty!


Here Samantha holds her bouquet, a lovely
white ensemble, accented with pearls in the
middle. This bouquet comes with an identical
second bouquet when you order it. One is for the bride
to keep, the other is for the bride to throw. (These
"bouquets" can also double as hair bows for your
Build-A-Bear's - nationwide.)


The Bride and her Maids of Honor.
(Left to Right: Berkeley, Samantha, McKenna)


Here are some of the wedding guests. They are
seated and waiting for Troy and Samantha's ceremony to begin.


This is the actual moment Samantha began
walking down the isle. Little flower girls
went before her, sprinkling flowers in the walk way.

Here you'll see the room as the Bride viewed

it for the first time, walking towards the

"preacher" and her Groom.

Troy was soooo nervous...he forgot his shoes!

(And apparently he forgot to comb his hair too!)

Let's give him credit for the fab, royal blue,

knickers though! What style!

Troy and Samantha's wedding was a "Come

As You Are" Event....However, some quests

were asked to hold more flowers than others...

Samantha approaches....the room hushes quiet...

Troy and Samantha look out at the crowd of family and

friends that have come to support them on such a special

day. (The preacher...checks out Samantha's "toule"!)

The ceremonly begins. The couple faces one another...

UNEXPECTEDLY, Samantha is overwhelmed by the moment

and passes out! The crowd gasps. Troy doesn't know what to do.

If he bends over to help her up, his knicker velcro will pop open. If he

doesn't help her, there will be no "celbratory evening events" at the

condo their friends got them for their Honeymoon this evening.

Troy makes the right decision! He goes for his Bride, and helps

her to her feet! Samantha apologizes and reminds the crowd that

she is often light headed from always eating her food and then

throwing it back up. But, she maintains, it was worth it to fit

in this lovely gown her Daddy bought her! Anyhow...the ceremony

continues, they exchange vows, and before you know it.....

It was time for Troy to kiss his Bride!

Troy and Samantha are now Husband and Wife!

The crowd breaks into applause as Troy and

Samantha emerge as "Mr. and Mrs" for the first

time ever! They exit hand in hand, stopping only for

a few photos, and then drive away in their car.

Everyone agrees, Troy and Samantha will surely live

a long, happy, plastic existence together.

Or, that is, until the Landlord of the Perschon Palace

sends them to the D.I. for donations.....

Partly Cloudy - With A Chance of Yellow Hail...

DID YOU KNOW? That if you slice an apple, take the core, and SNAP! (or cut) it in half....it will magically make a star??? Kids think you are made of magic when you do this.

Speaking of stars....

We went to Leatherby's tonight. Coming out of the restaurant to get in the car....Berkeley says to me:

"The Moon looks all yellow tonight. It's like the stars peed on it."

Nice. Take that visual to bed with ya. I know I am.

Victims of our Up Bringing...

They do spelling in "word chunks" now in school. There's "-it" week, "-ing" week, "-ack" week, and don't even get me started on "-uck" week. (That's one of my favorite stories.) Anyhow...One day in first grade, I felt concern when I was looking over Berkeley's papers and noticed the word "shit" written, in her handwriting, on her paper. I asked Berkeley about it--a little mortified. She said to me "Oh, we had to write down all the "-it" words we could think of and that IS an "-it" word, Mom." I acknowledged that she was right and immediately asked what Miss. Crowther said about it. She replied "nothing."

I felt relief about the fact that nothing was said to Berkeley. I mean, it is her parent's fault she even knows the word. She just mentally cataloged the list of "-it" words in her world...and "shit" happens to be a common one. However, I was a bit embarrassed! Berkeley and I had a talk about how we should not put "swear words" on our school work and I apologized to her for using it too much. I told her I would try to not say it so often.

(notice the mask is covering her mouth!)

Fast forward two years down the road...

Berkeley is about to enter third grade and the "s" word hasn't necessarily left the household. Im still trying to be a "good Mommy" and not say it so much. (Stop laughing friends, I said "trying!!") So....

I'm talking with my Mom the other day. Berkeley is standing there listening. My Mom swears while getting a little passionate about what she was saying (Hmm...I wonder where I get it from?). Berkeley interrupts our conversation to whisper to me "Mom! Grandma just said "shit!" " I tell Berkeley that Grandma is an adult and can use her words the way she chooses.

Grandma asks: "What is wrong?".

Berkeley says: "You said "SHIT!""

Grandma says: "Oh, I'm sorry, Berkeley."

"I should really knock that shit off, huh?"


Berkeley laughs uncontrollably.
I give up.

$50 Gift Card to Toys R Us | grandmalizzieshouse.com

My friend is giving a way a $50 Gift Card to Toys R' Us...all your kid has to do to enter is draw a "self-portrait" and either email it to her, or post it on your own blog! She'll take care of getting it posted on her site. Contest ends on June 29th...three days left...so Enter! Enter! Enter!

$50 Gift Card to Toys R Us grandmalizzieshouse.com

Here are Berkeley and McKenna's pictures they drew:

We've become Garbage Diggers...

Since I was a young girl, about ten, it has happened almost like clockwork. If there was a "big and stressful" event happening in my life, my body carried me through the event and then I would inevitably get sick and sprout a cold sore afterward.

This year we were hit with B's Bday, Easter, and B's Baptism - all within three weeks of each other. I was overloaded with worries about money to pay for it all. I was overloaded with worries of finishing invitations for both of Berk's B-day parties (family and friends) AND invites for her Baptism. I was dumb enough to overload myself with preparations for Berk's first "friend" sleepover b-day party. I was overloaded worrying about Steve's family, his new wife's family, and my family -- all in the same room together for the first time since the divorce. I was OVERLOADED!

Anyhow....now that these events were passed... my bottom lip was trying it's best to "keep the tradition" of cold sores alive. I could feel the "tingling" all over my bottom lip, and I was looking frantically for my cold sore medication. Catching the cold sore in it's "tingling" phase can sometimes help one to avoid an outbreak altogether. Especially if you apply ice quickly to the area and apply thes new medicine I've been using.

It's called "Abreva". Guaranteed to knock a cold sore's "healing time" in half. You get a measely inch-and-a-half of it for about the cost of FIVE happy meals. Yep. $20 bucks for two grams. (I'm guessing that crack might be cheaper?) It's insane. But, here's the thing -- It works. And for those who suffer from cold sores often, getting rid of them quickly is worth the money - if you have it.

I digress. So, I mentioned above, I'm feeling the "tingling" and looking frantically for the medication. I know EXACTLY where it was the night before...and the only person I thought had been near the area long enough to mess with it...was Berkeley. So I asked/accused/badgered her all night about where she could have possibly put it/knocked it/lost it. She continued to deny having touched it at all. I look everywhere and finally give up, heading to bed with a prayer that I don't wake up with a giant, bubbly, blistery lip.

Then next day...the girls and I are in the car and I decided to ask Kenna if she moved Mom's little, blue, tube of medicine. She - knowing how frustrated I was when I questioned Berk the night before -carefully says "Yah...I put some of the lipstick on my baby's lips yesterday and then it was gone - so I threw it in the garbage." Berkeley gasps. My stomach sinks. Yesterday when it "got lost" it was a brand, new tube. How could it possibly be ALL GONE?. I'm thinking about that baby doll's lips and how small they are...there just HAS to be some left! I quiz Kenna some more about -which- garbage can she put it in. At this point...we have NO money to buy more...and I'm getting desperate to treat my lip before a breakout emerges.

Berk and I both dive for the bedroom garbage can when we get home. We find the tube in there and it is, in fact, empty. Twenty freaking dollars wasted on a BABY DOLL! When you are dirt poor, little things like this can really be frustrating. I held it together though. Berk exclaims - "SEE, I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T TAKE IT, MOM!" I had to totally apologize to Berk for accusing her. I explained to Kenna that we NEVER play with Mommy's medicine. Then I squeeze the tiniest bit left out of the bent tube and rub it on my lower lip. Truly there is nothing I can do about it now. So all I can do is shrug it off.

BUT...

If that freaking doll gets a cold sore, I'm gonna be pissed.

I bet MY Jesus can beat up YOUR Jesus....

Berkeley was baptised into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints recently.

April 18, 2009 was the day. She was very cute about it all. She was a little nervous about the part where she would be in the water with everyone looking at her. She said "...and that underwear thing doesn't really work for me." I had to laugh. At some point, in her anxiety ridden history, I must have told her to think of everyone in the audience in their underwear. :) We came up with something else that she thought would help...and when we were drying her off in the bathroom after the big dunk, she said "I didn't even have TIME to think of everyone getting their forehead licked...!"

She handled herself with grace throughout the day. I was very proud of her. She was such a little lady in her white dress. She felt like a "beautiful princess" and she looked like one. She made sure to thank people for coming that day and she also thanked people when they handed her a little card or present. Thanks to everyone who came and supported her. We wish we could have invited more, but there were fifty people there as it was!

Here's a picture of the dress she wore:


On a very personal note...
I've been pretty religiously conflicted lately. I'm not spiritually conflicted...but have recently learned some things about the LDS Church that I am not sure if I believe. This is something that has been very difficult for me...especially at a time when Berkeley would be baptised. I was really struggling with allowing her to commit to a religion that I wasn't 100% committed to at the present moment. However, I've come to peace with it. I still believe in 80% of the things I was raised to believe in, probably more than that. Being a member of the Church has blessed my life immensely...and I will never deny that. While I am not sure if I belong "in the church" anymore...I am still aiming to be a very Christian human. I believe in God and Jesus. I believe that we are blessed by working to be more "Christ-like" in our lives. I believe in miracles, angels, feeling inspired, prayer, good values, and more.

If Berkeley is taking a moment in childhood to mark a commitment to these things...I'll support it. In my opinion...very few children will KNOW at age eight if the Church is true. They may KNOW it works for their family. They may KNOW that church makes them happy. They may even have had answers to their prayers. But, the reason I feel that "we" make such a big deal out of them being baptised, is to start them on a clean pathway towards being more Christ-like individuals. They can dedicate a day in their young lives..where they can begin to focus consciously on making good choices, being accountable for stupid ones, and learning MORE about their religion and Who/what they stand for. They can strive to be good examples as friends, family, and in society. This is why I decided that this was a good thing. And it was.

I felt the Spirit on this day. I felt joy and gratitude as I was surrounded by my family~in support of Berkeley~who don't even believe in the LDS faith (or even in God, in some cases) They came anyways. Because they LOVE her and they love me. Whether they wanted to be Christ-like or not...this is the definition of true, Christ-like, love to me.

I hope my children, no matter what religion they do or do not choose in adulthood, will always believe in a Heavenly Father. A God above who created them, loves them, and will help them when they are struggling. A God who can work miracles in their lives, and the many lives around them. A God...who sends us angels....to whisper in our ears when we aren't sure what to do. A God who knows them better than they know themselves. This is what I want for my children. Then, they will never feel totally alone. I've felt pretty alone in my life. Had I not known and believed in God...I don't know how much more hopeless things would have been.

Who knows, on my journey through these doubts, of which side I'll end up. I beg the patience of those around me (both members of the LDS church and not). I may go back, choosing just to "agree to disagree" on some things. Despite what the "nay sayers" of the church say...when we truly strive to live what the church's core goals are....it's a beautiful place to raise your children and self. (I don't know which is harder...raising the girls...or raising me! LOL) But..know this...wherever I end up will be the product of much prayer, fasting, and study. If I don't choose "your way", then know that I've chosen a way that I'm willing to answer to my God for. This is what is important.

If I'm wrong...well, I guess "Hell" will have to decide if they can handle me. ;) (Ten bucks says they'll get rid of me after three days of my constant ruminating!) Heaven or Hell - there better be Coke with lime there...and chips and salsa...and guacamole...and bbq'd steak...and Baskin and Robbins Peanut Butter Chocolate Ice Cream...and...Wicked, the Musical.

On the subject of miracles...
Berkeley's baptism marked the first time, since the divorce, that both families (Steve's and Mine) were in a room together. Our divorce has not been one with many fluffy or amiable feelings, much to my regret. It hasn't been one of much truth either, might I add. (Shit, so much for being Christ-like. Repent, repent....) My focus that day was on Berkeley. I hoped their focus would be that too. I was nervous, but everyone was relatively well-behaved. It was fun to see how the children on Steve's side have grown. It's weird to call them your "nieces and nephews" while you're married for eight years...and then suddenly they are not "yours" anymore. You've loved them, watched them grow, enjoyed watching your children form bonds with them, and then "POOF!" They are not yours...or "your business" anymore. Just another part of divorce that bites the big one.

Big ceremonies in life, big moments with family, big "religious" struggles...all these things make me gather myself into my soul and fill me with gratitude. I AM SO BLESSED. I have so many crappy, crappy things going on in my life right now. But no matter how many times I count my trials...there are always INFINITELY more blessings. God is so mindful of me. He blesses me even when I get ticked with Him. He blesses me even when I am a potty mouth. He blesses me even when I don't necessarily like Sunday School. He blesses me even when it's been awhile since I've thanked him for my blessings.

Enough for now. I love you all so much.

What's In Your Wallet?

Thanks for the picture Ryan and Katy! So sweet! Clover 2009

I've had a terribly bad week. One thing after another. So I decided we can play a game today - to keep things light. Here's how to play:

Pretend it's Monday. (Don't worry, it's just a game. You can go back to Thurs. in a minute!)

You are at the gym.

You open your purse for the first time since last Friday...because you had a lazy weekend at home and had no need for it.

What's the strangest thing you find in that purse of yours?


Me? Half-eaten "McGriddles" Pancakes that McKenna INSISTED on saving for later.

Three days qualifies as "later"...wouldn't you say?

I win.

Need a Self Esteem Boost? Don't Call Us.

I have always felt blessed that Berkeley feels comfortable enough to talk to me about the things her friends and she discuss when I am not there. I hope that she will always feel comfortable to to talk to me about things. However, a couple of days ago Berkeley and I are hanging out, when she tells me the following:

Berkeley: "Abby had this thing on her cheek today, it looked like a zit."

Me: "Oh, that's not good."

Berkeley: "Yah, but I told her not to worry, because her's was small and my Mom's zits are way, way, WAY bigger than that."

Me: "Unfortunately, that's probably true."

Berkeley: "Yah, but Abby said "No," that her "Mom's zits were sooooo HUGE."

While I was mentally trying to pick my self-esteem off the ground...I was also giggling to myself thinking that our daughters were sitting there "trumping" each other with whose Mom had the biggest zits. Hilarious. It reminded me of another time in motherhood when I was bathing Berkeley and said to me:

"Mom, are you ever going to try to look sexy like those Victoria Secret Models in the commercials?"

I can't remember my exact response...but it was something like: "Well, I have tried to look that way...but not everybody looks like that."

She replied: "Well, your hair doesn't really look good like you have it right now..." (it was on top of my head in a nasty looking half ponytail...) "and maybe you could not wear your glasses ~ because you look prettier without them."

Looking back...my sarcastic response to the "Are you ever going to try to be sexy....?" question would be: "Everyday, Berkeley...Everyday." We're always trying to look sexier, skinnier, and younger. But "In My Daughters Eyes", Martina McBride, it's amazing that I was ever attractive enough to produce offspring to insult me. :)

I'm strong enough to take the periodic beatings. Deep down I know that she means no harm at all. Like I said...at least she talks to me. Besides...I like to think that uglier people than me have found someone to think they are sexy.... so I'll never lose hope! LOL

I Love You, Berkeley.

The Nicorette Ghost ??

I can't imagine how hard it would be to quit something that has been a part of your entire life.

When I was younger I used to leave "Stop Smoking" pamphlets around the house for my Mom. I'd leave them in her purse, on her pillows, under the ashtrays... As a thirty-four-year-old now, I still hold out hope that she will quit one of these days. I want her around with us as long as we can possibly have her.

The grandkids have started learning about smoking at school. They know it is bad for your health. They know that Grandma Ladybug smokes. They have heard their parents complain about having to be around it anywhere (not just at Grandma's house). We have heard comments from the girls here and there about their concerns for Grandma...but I had to smile when I saw this note posted at my Mom's recently, on the whiteboard on her fridge:

I had to wonder if my Mom thought I'd "put Berkeley up to it". I didn't. She did this totally and completely on her own. But, I wouldn't have stopped her. It is her way of expressing her fears and worries about Grandma too. These little ladies love their Ladybug beyond measure...and if the power of the "house ghost" is strong enough...he just might be able to work magic...

I love you, Mom. Just when you thought you had escaped all the pamphlet surprises...along came my offspring. :) Sorry about that!

What a way to start the day....

McKenna and I were snuggling in bed Sunday morning...and I decided to grab my phone and take a picture. These are good moments.

New Family Photo...

It's our best photo yet.... Hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed making it!

I guess we're going to start doing "Family Nights"....

Berkeley has a great sense of humor and a unique way of saying things. She is honest and painstakingly straightforward. Even when she was little I kept a book of her comments so that I wouldn't forget some of the things she said. Here are some examples:

Example one:

When she was trying on white dresses this week (for her upcoming baptism), I asked her if she liked the dress she currently had on more, the same, or less than the dress she had already gotten at home. She said to me: "Oh, I broke up with that other one."

Example two:

A few weeks ago, McKenna was throwing one of her "fits". McKenna is quite the diva when she isn't getting her way. Berk and I have become accustomed to her "moments"....but this time Berkeley looks at me and says "I like to call her the "fit-maker"...because she throws fits." I am so sure that she isn't aware of the term "widow-maker"...but the ironic way she made her words work together was just funny to me.


Example three:

There's a "flair button" for teachers on Facebook that reads: "Don't believe everything your kid tells you happened at school...and we won't believe everything your kid tells us happened at home." I am clinging to that thought when telling you the next story:

When Berkeley was little I always worried about the fact that she "didn't like" people with darker skin. I worried about her growing up racist and constantly tried to tell her that people were different on the outside, but we all were the same on the inside. It horrified me to think that she might not grow out of this.

Eventually she started calling people "chocolate skin" and "vanilla skin". This was more positive than her other negative comments...so I went with it. For awhile -- I would refer to skin color as "chocolate" or "vanilla". Pre-school teachers and psychologists reassured me she would grow out of it....and thankfully, she did. (I guess it's not SO abnormal for kids to be freaked out about people who look very different from them.)

She hasn't seemed to have an issue about it since Kindergarten....so we haven't talked about it much until the recent election. She always properly referred Barack Obama as "African American", so I didn't see the need to bring up her past issues. However...she came home a few weeks ago....and told me that they were talking about what you should and should not call people of different races. Berkeley proudly says to me "I told my class that we don't like to call them African Americans...so we call them chocolate and vanillas!" My inner thoughts immediately screamed "Oh, dear God, please tell me she did NOT just say that we "didn't like to" call them African Americans...." She did. Needless to say...we had to have a conversation about how we needed to call people their proper names now. But, the damage had been done publically already!


Example four...

While I am sure that her previous comment left me "shining" in the eyes of her teachers...I picked up Berkeley's homework recently to read it through. The students had done an assignment in class where they could fill out what they would like and would not like to do...in regards to a story about "being outside." Here were her statements:


Sleep outside - Berk marked that she WOULD like this.
Reason she would like this: "Because I like outdores."


Then down the list...


Find a place to camp - Berk marked that she WOULD NOT like this.
Reason she wouldn't like it: "Because you have to walk a lot."


Last it read....


Live in a cattle ranch - Berk marked that she WOULD NOT like this.
Reason she would like it: "Becaus its hard work."


Basically...my child likes to be outdoors IF she doesn't have to walk a lot or do any hard work whatsoever... We're SO proud. I am sure her teachers are wondering what the heck I am teaching her at home. I'd write more, but apparently I need to go plan a "Family Night" on "The Value of Hard Work and Physical Exercise." I also haven't finished my "Mother of the Year" application...so that is going to take a little time too...


Cheers.

Cinderella Poopy Pants...

Nothing makes me and Berkeley smile & laugh harder than when McKenna tells me that she wants some "CRAPtain Crunch" for breakfast. No matter how many times I say "CAPtain Crunch? Okay, lets go get you some" -- she still says it the same way the next time around. She does this unintentionally (as far as I can tell). The innocence in it is what makes it so completely funny. It's not gross, like my brother's "gross" humor growing up.

Randy and his friends could spend hours laughing over one, raunchy, fart. The word "buttercup" comes to mind...and it isn't a happy memory. (Shame on big brothers EVERYWHERE for ever doing this to your little sisters!) My eyes are watering now, as I try not to remember.

I wasn't raised a "prude" though, at our house growing up you had to belch at LEAST a seven to even call yourself a "family member." Mom won't admit it now, but she got in on a few contests...and she was the one who started "rating" them, if I remember correctly.

In college, I am embarrassed (now) to say that my GRAND "belching ability" was no secret among my roomies. One of my six roommates was dating a football player, who belched one night in our dorm room. I mentioned that it was a bit "weak"...and that's when the "challenge" began. HE WAS WARNED not to challenge me...but he didn't listen. While sparing you the details...I proudly put him to shame. It was cool to beat the six-foot-tall, "tough guy", but this talent has NOT won me a lot of dates or admiration from the boys over the years. It comes across as "un-lady-like" for some reason ???

So, that said, I have tried so hard NOT to instill in my daughters, the great art of "Fart and Poop Humor." I don't know...it IS funny at times...but who is going to date the girls in college who can make fart sounds with their armpits? Am I wrong? Therefore, I go about my days trying to keep the little princesses "Fart-Humor-Free."

I am not succeeding in the least bit.
This was the conversation in the car last week:



(McKenna is singing a Cinderella song and adding the word "poop poop!" in after every stanza.)

Mom says: "Kenna...There's no "POOP POOP" in the Cinderella story!"

Kenna argues: "Yes DEHR iz! I read about Cinderella...She wived (lived) in a castle! And she pooped all day!"

(Berkeley and McKenna break into laughter in the back seat.)

Then Berkeley chimes in: "YAH! And I read about Cinderella -- She left her shoe --the ONE shoe...And guess what the Prince saw in it? POOP!"

(More hysterical laughter in the back seat from them both.)

McKenna chimes in again: "Cinderella...she had POOP on her blue wedding dress!!! Hahahahaha!"

(They keep laughing. I just shake my head, keep driving, and try not to smile or laugh too hard.)

Then later in that week....
The girls had gone down for bed, but were being restless and not going to sleep.

I holler to them from the livingroom:
"McKenna....You need to settle down! And Berkeley....I heard you talking too..."

The girls are silent...but I hear a "flatulent-like sound" from the bedroom.

McKenna (in some effort not to get in trouble again...and to try to protect Berkeley) yells: "That was Berkeley's butt!"

(I think it is funny...but stay silent. The quiet resumes. Then I hear another "toot":)

McKenna yells: "That was her butt again!"

Looks like somebodys butt is going to get a "time-out" if it doesn't pipe down soon!