Monday, August 11, 2008

An atheist and a ho meet at the library...

No, I won't explain the title to's a gift for someone special.

I just wanted to ramble today about my frustrations with being single again and dating. I've discovered a lot about myself in the two years that I've been single -- and it may take a miracle to find a man "qualified" that will marry me. My requirements don't seem weird to me....but then sometimes I wonder if I expect too much ? Let's post these frustrations and requirements publically for you "marrieds" to look at...and silently 'revel' in the fact that you are NOT in my similar position....

1. I've discovered that I am a bit high maintenence. Not in the DEMANDING least....I don't think in that way. I just expect the people who want to date me (steadily) - to actually want to spend TIME with me -- other than texting, IM-ing, or on email. I can't just see "him" once a week.....anyone can be on their best behavior once a week! We need to be around one another when we are ornery, sick, annoying, silly, happy, sad, talking to ourselves....ALL of that.

2. Honestly....this has nothing to do with money....but I am so sick of meeting men who don't have a steady income/job...but want a steady woman/family! Especially now that I have kids...I need to know my man is going to be able to support us. I'll help/work too, I don't mind helping at all. In fact...I WANT to be a part of it all. But long bouts of unemployment, iffy jobs that may/may not "take off", or little part time jobs (--where you are unhappy but not looking to improve your life --) makes you a red flag for instability later on. That is scary to a woman! Men who are in school are in a different situation and I get that - but women can also see a man's goals to move forward - and she can put faith in the 'end goal' too. Again, this has nothing to do with having money. I would rather be poor with my best friend, than lonely with a loveless marriage.

3. Third, and this might still be under the "high maintenence category...", but I have learned that I need a patient man who can listen to me ramble. This may come as a total SHOCK to you all...but I talk a lot. It's something that just developed in me recently (like at birth) and it's part of who I am. But I've learned that I need "my man" to know that I just need to talk it out....then I'm better. He doesn't need to fix it for me, he just needs to actually listen and talk about it with me. He already knows I'm smart enough to know the right answers and he only makes suggestions when I ask for them...or when the moon isn't full. However, this man also knows how to "shut me up" in a way where I won't argue back too! ;-) Are there still men this patient out there?

4. Next...A guy needs to somehow, by an act of God, think that I am somewhat "cute" with my ponytail hair. That is my favorite way to put my hair when I am at home. It isn't the most attractive look for me (it may be my worst) but HE has to somehow find "sexy" mixed up in all that. Is this possible? I am not sure.

5. The men I date must be not living with their mother (without good reason). You can love your Momma. You can adore your Momma. But no Momma's Boys.

6. The man I date needs to be funny. He cannot just THINK he is funny....but actually BE funny. I need laughter in my life! I want to make him laugh outloud (and not because of the ponytail hair)...and I want him to be able to catch me off guard with his remarks! I don't want "fart humor" (but most men come with that built in) -- I want really, clever, banter! That's got to be such a gift in a good marriage.

Anyhow...that's not everything....but some "food-for-thought" when you are out there looking to set-me-up.
You are looking, aren't you? Don't leave me out here alone's SLIM PICKIN'S! Don't ANY of you have some single, stretch-mark-loving, freckle-adoring, PATIENT, men as brother's/uncles/or distant cousins? Okay....well, we don't have to tell these unsuspecting lads about the stretch marks until they really, really, really like me. How's that for a singles ad? Huh? Any takers? Did I mention I can cook? (That's a lie too.)

Umm....anyone? Anyone?

Okay...maybe I'll just go eat a bowl of cereal and go to bed. Thanks for listening. Love y'all.