"Ewwww! Ewwww! Ewwwwwwwww!!"

We woke up yesterday morning to find a note on our bathroom mirror. It read:

"Berkeley,
The POO PARTY we had in your mouth last night was so awesome! You're teeth are PERFECT for storage of our #2 doo doo! We've even started drilling some holes to make space for our party in your mouth tonight! We're calling it:

"POO -- PART TWO!!"

You kept closing your mouth while we were trying to clean up, so it wasn't easy in the dark. But we think we got most of it.

Sincerely, Your Teeth Bugs".

Initially...Berk didn't say a word about the note. When I got up and looked at the mirror though...I made a huge deal about it. She just looked at me and said..."I already read it. You did it, I know." I started laughing and denied it. In fact, I told her that it wasn't there when I got up to use the restroom at three in the morning. THAT is when the doubt began (evil parent laugh in my mind...)!

She started getting quiet. Here and there she would say to me "You DIDN'T write it?". Then a minute later she said "Mom, how do you think they wrote the note?" I wasn't sure. A minute later...she said "Well, my mouth DOES feel a little different this morning..." We checked inside...I told her I couldn't see anything...but she might want to check her pillow case to be sure. So she went in her room. All I could hear after that was ""Ewwww! Ewwww! Ewwwwwwwww! Ew! Ew! Ew!" She came in with her pillow and you wouldn't believe it. A one-inch brown mark was right there where her mouth would have been laying! SUPER gross! So -- she ripped off the pillow case and we put it in the laundry basket. She went and brushed her teeth immediately, followed by mouth wash. Then I had to smell her breath to make sure it didn't smell like...well...poo.

Parents...this might be a lesson to your children!!!

Berk (standing beside me now) and I decided to post it

so you could teach your children from her experience --

Hopefully, YOUR teeth bugs will stay away!

ROFLMBO.

"Poo Party" in B's mouth tonight!

It has occurred to me that sending out "check out my new blog!" announcements should probably be made on a day when the title entry is NOT about my gynecological visits. My bad. BUT -- the good thing -- is that these are only YEARLY visits...so you don't have to worry about the "yee ha" topic coming up for another 364 days! (Actually... I make no promises.)

Berkeley is seven and very funny. I can't keep up with her one-liners. She has her mother's sarcasm, which can be both good and bad. It's freaky to me when she turns on me...and dishes me some of my own "attitude".


Tonight, for instance, I was begging her to go and brush her teeth before bed. Berkeley learned in pre-school that if you don't brush for 2 minutes, 2 times a day, the "teeth bugs" will go #2 on your teeth. I thought this was both a clever way to remind the kids...and seriously gross to think about at the same time. ANYWAY...I asked Berkeley to go brush and before I could say anything else to her, she said: "let the bugs have a big party. I'm too tired."

So, although I did not make her get up and brush, I am going to leave her a note about how the "poo party" went in her mouth last night. I just might be twisted enough to smear some "chocolate" on the note these bugs are writing too...right on to the mouth of a picture of her smiling! Bet she brushes tomorrow night!

**Ooooooh!** Maybe I'll smear some chocolate on her PILLOW CASE too!! (I need more adult time, eh?)

One more quick 'Berkeley story' before I go brush my own teeth:

I was whining to my children in the car the other day that "my tummy was hurting." Being silly...I said to Berkeley and McKenna: (whiney tone)"Make my tummy feel better girls -- work some magic in that back seat!". To which Berk quickly replied: "We're not GOD" and "And I'm pretty sure only HE could do that, Mom." What could I say? She is right ( a little smart a** too....but RIGHT just the same.). I stopped whining.

"I'll just wait here..."

So today was my yearly obgyn appointment. I loved the new lady who came in to go "where no woman has gone before" -- Seriously. I've always had male obgyns. But this time around, since I don't have medical insurance, I went to a women's clinic to pay less money.

Now, this is supposed to be a confidential clinic for teens too, if they need to come get birth control or pregnancy counseling. So when I finally went back for my appointment, I found it HILARIOUS that the beds were positioned so any patient, CNA, nurse practitioner, doctor, or small child could see you lying there if the door was opened & closed! Really? (Did I just see a lady from my ward go by?)

So with fascination...I counted...and the door was opened & closed for people coming or going about eight times while I was there. EIGHT TIMES! It got me thinking. If this is a confidential clinic...shouldn't the bed be repositioned so that you are NOT staring out of the door? Looking at the small size of the room...I realized that it was either your face or your "yee-ha" that was going to be saying "hello". (This is probably why they chose the face.)

BUT....I have to say...that after thinking about it more....I think a confidential clinic should probably opt for the "yee ha" exposure, rather than the patients face. For one...if people are looking in at your "yee ha", you are probably not going to know it. (But it might get breezey.) Second...and more importantly...., people are not going to identify you by your "yee ha" as nearly as easily, as your face. (Sidenote: *If you have an especially recognizable "yee-ha"...well, that's a whole other therapy session. Maybe four.)

The nurse practitioner and I discussed this theory of mine -- as she worked her mega-sized q-tip with as much ease (as is possible) with salad tongs up your....um, yah. She agreed that --if we are looking at it from the confidential standpoint -- "yee ha exposure" may be better in this case. We had a good laugh over it until the nurse and her "person observing" began scrambling over a missing instrument they needed. As they got up and started moving around...the helper said "I'll look down here." The nurse practitioner said "maybe it's up there."

As they searched for a minute...I calmly said "I'll just wait here."

I've earned some chocolate...wouldn't you say?

A whole lotta nothin'...

Today I spent the day doing many things... None of which was getting my house clean. I have company coming soon and this could be a problem. Which begs the question...Should I be updating my blog at this moment?? Or should I be cleaning? The logic tells me one thing, my tired spirit tells me another. Sometimes, I am afraid, the logic has precedence. Gotta go vacuum!

Cafe Rio, Baby!

Cafe Rio is so delicious. I am not a big salad fan, but when I go there I always get one. It's so many good things combined into one, I always feel good after I've eaten one. Even with the extra quacamole! That's the good fat, right?

Girls are at their Dad's for the weekend. I am headed to do a little work in a bit. But, oh, how QUIET it is in the house when they are away. Sometimes it is so wonderful to have peace and quiet. Other times...it leaves a breeding ground for ruminating.

All is well though.

The Naughty Ice Cream Sandwich

It's nearly two in the morning, but I just couldn't wait to initiate our blog into action! Staying up this late is not a good idea for me...I need my sleep! But to top off my mis-deeds...I broke out an ice cream sandwich to eat while I'm sitting here too! Naughty...but soooooo yummy!