Wednesday, December 3, 2008

"This Little Light of Mine ~ I'm Gonna Let it Shine!"

Berkeley, my seven-year-old, has struggled with Selective Mutism since she was quite young. This is a condition in which a child has major anxiety speaking in social situations. They may speak freely and in a normal voice tone at home, but anywhere else outside of the home can be a struggle. Children who suffer from SM can react to their anxiety by being completely silent or masking their real voice in an effort to "hide" themselves. In Berkeley's situation, she has almost always refused to speak publically...or she would speak in a very high "mousey" tone, which few could understand. This made things difficult when pre-school and kindergarten started. Near the middle of Berk's kindergarten year, we sought help through the school's speech therapist, a school counselor, and an outside source for therapy as well. She made huge improvements in the first grade and has done REMARKABLY well in second grade. She still occasionally struggles or hesitates to speak in front of her class or groups, but I can't complain when comparing to what things were like before.

For me as a mother, this has been really hard to watch a child go through. Always being incredibly social and verbal myself, I couldn't believe one of MY children would be shy or anxious about talking to anyone! In fact, I always thought my kids would have the opposite problem. It was also difficult for me to see what a fun, outgoing, free-spirit Berkeley was at home -- and then see her completely shut down. She was holding her true self from the world, and to me, that was tragic. She is a bundle of spirit, love, and humor when she is comfortable. I would look at pictures like these below.... and wonder why she couldn't just be comfortable in who she was:



This week though... something fantastic happened...

I got a call from a school PTA member. Berkeley has taken the "Grand Prize" in the K-2nd grade Literature category for the 2008 Reflections Contest! I was so surprised and excited for her! She would be so proud! But then the PTA lady dropped the bomb: "We were wondering if Berkeley would be willing to read her poem in the school assembly honoring Reflections winners- tomorrow!" Immediately I knew that wasn't about to happen --even on a good day for Berk. I explained Berkeley's speaking issues to the lady. She offered to have Berkeley read her poem on a video camera (and then they could play it for the school) if she felt more comfortable that way. It was worth a shot.

I wish you all could have seen that sweet girls face when I told her that she won! It was priceless. She immediatley asked....
"Am I going to be on t.v.?" I told her that there was no t.v. broadcast....but that she was invited to read it in front of the school the next day. She blurted out the second-grader equivalent of "Not just 'no', but HELL NO!". I explained the "video taping" option to her and she refused that too. But as the night went on...she was considering it. I couldn't believe it!

Sometimes our children will move mountains right before our eyes -- and Berkeley's mountain was before her. She came home from her Dad's that night, asked me to curl her hair for the video taping, put on some pink eye shadow and lip gloss....and recited that poem FROM MEMORY --right into the camera!!! I couldn't believe it. It was even very close to her normal voice tone! Truly she was not about to let her "big moment" pass her by in silence.

The next day, I was SURE she would decide to just "bag it" last minute. But we got up early....curled every stitch of her hair....and 'off' to school she went. The assembly came - they announced her name - and she walked up to accept her award. They played the video. She stood there while the crowd applauded...and I was a teary mess of pride! Even her past teachers were blown away at what they were seeing. It was AWESOME!! So many people came up to her afterwards, congratulating her and hugging her. It was a BIG moment. She had overcome something inside of her. Even if it was temporary, she had allowed her true self to be seen!

That night...she snuck into the livingroom after her sister had fallen asleep. She said to me with a smile..."I was kind of embarassed when they played that video for the school." I looked at her and said "Yah....but did a little, tiny part of you feel really proud too?" She shook her head "yes"-- and we talked again about how awesome that day was.

Tiny miracles. One day at a time. One proud little-girl and one VERY proud Mom.

"You did it kiddo! Way to go!"

Her film is below. It is a little dark in the background...but the sound is great. You may need to turn it up--but she speaks clearly. Enjoy it!

16 comments:

Steph Kearns said...

I am so, so proud of Berk! Tell her I said congratulations! I cried reading this post even knowing full well the ending! As you know, I'm a crier! Give Berk a big high five from me! Love you guys!

Christy said...

I can't believe that she is in 2nd grade! Being in front of the whole school is scary even for my most loud and obnoxious students. Good job Berkley.

AmyG said...

Melanie, I was so happy to get your card and your blog address. That's awesome that Berkley did that. It would be scary for anyone to do that, so what an accomplishment. My friends little boy was diagnosed with selective mutism this summer. She was surprised that I even knew what it was. (I looked it up after you mentioned it in your card last year.)

Julie said...

So very cool! I'm so glad that you posted that. It totally made my day. Go Berkeley!

Carrie's Corner said...

Oh Mel! Your little girl is so grown up and quite the little lady! What a beautiful poem! I'm busting with pride up here! You know, when I was down there, I knew she was shy, but I never saw that side of her. She always was herself around us. I realize I moved before she was in Kindergarten, but I'm so glad that I got to glimpse her real true self! She is such a joy and a strong little thing! Love her! Love her! Love her! Tell her that from me, huh?

Unknown said...

If they had put names on things when I was growing up, I must have had a major case of it. Berkeley is lucky to have a Mom that helps her feel comfortable and safe in her own little world. Give her a BIG hug and rah rah from me.

Blaise Glaze said...

I wish I knew my nieces.

Missletoe said...

Berk definitely got her gift for poems from her mother! You would NEVER guess from the video that she EVER struggled in the past. You have done a great job building her confidence. What an AMAZING kid!

Cal said...

Way to go! So cute and she did so good. I also was very teary eyed reading this. She is such a cutie. plus you are smokin hot in the picture with her.
love ya

erika said...

Melanie,
I am so blown away (not to mention crying my eyes out). Knowing Berk for 3 years now - I can honestly say, I too, am SO proud of her. I am so glad she is in Sam's class - he was very excited for her and her "awesome blue ribbon!". What an accomplishment, on all parts. She is a sweet, sweet girl. I am so happy for you.
Erika

Melanie said...

Thanks so much everyone! I can't stop playing that little video over and over. Your comments make me cry, the video makes me cry, and I'm a mess! But it's a "happy mess".

So many of YOU have allowed Berkeley the time she needed to become comfortable with you. You have allowed her not to speak at times...and you have just taken things slowly with her at times. THANKS TO YOU for giving her space to grow.

I have read Berkeley your comments as they come in...and she gets embarassed...but she loves it too. Love you all. Mel

jhainesfam said...

Oh my goodness...I miss you guys so much. I am so glad to get your updated info. Your girls are beautiful. We are blogging too.
jhainesfam.blogspot.com

heather said...

What a huge accomplishment for Berk! I was reading the post out loud to my kids and they were probably wondering why I was having a hard time reading it through the tears. Crazy mom! I just know how great it is to see our children overcome obstacles in their lives and it makes me a little weepy! :) My kids were so proud of Berkeley and seeing her video in the assembly. They had no idea that it was on video because of her fear of speaking. They just thought she had submitted her poem on video for the contest.

We missed you at the RS dinner too! Kay lin sat at my table and we talked about you--your move and where you are now. So not only do YOU miss the ward...you are very missed by all of US!!

Wolfy said...

You are so wonderful Melanie, Berk's story makes ME feel proud and your internal sunshine must be brilliant right now.

And such a great job of telling the story. You and yours are all in my prayers!

Val said...

That was a great post. As Mom's we live for days like this. I am so proud of Berkely. I can totally sympathize with her. I hate speaking in public! My little Morgan is the same way. I know how truly brave Berkely is. Your girls are so darling.

Michelle said...

Wow... Yay! That's so cool! And her poem is even very creative!