TEXTS FROM STRAWBERRY and SHORTCAKE...

This is going to be a little "segment" I do from time to time -- starting now.  It's called "Texts From Strawberry and Shortcake...."  It's pretty self explanatory.  As parents, our kids get ahold of our cell phones and play with them.  Later, I'll be checking my texting "inbox", and find a GEM from the girls in there for me.  Here's one of my favorites:

(Sent from Shortcake)  "Hi. Mommy this. Is. Katy.Perry.    Mommy. I. Love. Her. I. Rile. Like. Her. O ya. O.Ya. O. Ya. O. Ya from :-) mckenna"

Stand Your Ground...

I'm sitting in my bedroom, checking my Facebook, overhearing this conversation between my girls (who are also hanging out in their bedroom):

Shortcake: "SMELL MY FEET!"
Strawberry: "NO."
Shortcake: "SMELL MY FEET!"
Strawberry: "NO."
Shortcake: "SMELL MY FEET!"
Strawberry: "NO."
Shortcake: "SMELL MY FEET!"
Strawberry:  "NO."
 
Wierdos.  They definitely belong to our family. 

HUMP Day...

(I found this old blog post that never posted in the archives. 

Technically, this happened about a year ago this May.  But I had to share...)

The days of "innocence" in our home...may be past us.

Berkeley and I are talking tonight.  The topic of the saying "That's What She Said" came up.  This is the conversation:

Berkeley:  "What does that mean, anyway?"

Me:  "That's What She Said"? 

Berkeley:  "Yeah."

Me:  "Um, well...let me think of a way to explain it so that a kid can understand it.  Because it's a saying that adults use. And it's kind of naughty."

Berkeley:  "Just tell me, Mom.  I'm not FIVE anymore!"

Me: (smiling...) "No, you're NINE!"

Berkeley:  "Mom, I already know about kissing.  And humping.  In fact, ****** and I were just talking the other day and she said: "Wasn't it wierd when they were kissing in bed in 'Marly and Me'?"  And I told her..."Well, they were trying to make a baby."  And she said  "Ew!" 

Me: "Well, it's time for us to take stuff out to the car...so go get your shoes on."

Usually this type of distraction method does not work for Berkeley, but this time it did.  So in my head I was cheering:

"Hallelujah!!"

Then my brain replied: 

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!" 

Yeah, That's The ONE...

Shortcake:  "Mom...I just said the  (whispers) 'f word'."
Mom: "You did ??  Which 'f word' did you say?
Shortcake: She puts her hand up to her mouth, gets on her tip toes, and whispers in my ear..."Freakin".
Mom:  "Oooohhhh.....THAT 'f word' is probably all right to say. Just try not to say the one that rhymes with 'truck'. Okay?"
Shortcake:  (thinking to herself for a few seconds...) "FRUCK?"
Mom:  "Yep.  That's the one." 

Pardon my french, but she is so, (whisper) 'frucking', cute. ;)

When They're Cute, They're Cute

I head towards the livingroom to watch a movie with the girls.

Berkeley says "DON'T COME IN HERE YET ! We're making you a SURPRISE! We only need about 20 more minutes! Do NOT be concerned!"

Now, I'm concerned.

I wait patiently for about twelve more minutes, and then get the "okay" to come in.  

McKenna, standing on a step stool at the end of the hallway, gave me a "ticket" to enter the livingroom.  Berkeley made the "announcements".

 We'd gone earlier to the Redbox and rented two movies. So they had made some movie night "preparations".  The livingroom was decorated with yarn (as make-shift "crepe paper streamers" ) and in the middle of the design hung a sign that said:

"Today Girly-Girl Theater presents......
"16 Wishes" and
"Beezus & Ramona"
Hope You Enjoy the Show!"

I had a blanket and spot to sit in, they had blankets and "special seating"as well.  There were other "movie guests" attending (stuffed animals and baby dolls). 

There were even refreshments.  In a bowl for each of us was one cookie, one baby candy cane, pretzels, popcorn, carmel popcorn, and blue-raspberry Frootie candies. (Note to self: Might be time to get some healthy snacks.)

I gotta say....when they're cute, they're cute. 

Fat Mom, Skinny Mom - A blog to follow!

http://www.fatskinnymom.com/2010/giveaways/bath-body-works-giveaway/

My girlfriend, Callee, is starting her own blog for Moms.  It is going to be AWESOME!  Go check it out...and hurry...because she is doing a GIVE-AWAY!

Let it be said, let it be type-written....

I may go back later and change the girl's names to their code names in all previous blog posts, but from here on out, my little ladies will be refered to as:

Oldest - "Strawberry" (She was allergic to these when she was little and couldn't eat anything with them.  She's grown out of them now and loves them!)

Youngest - "Shortcake" (She's short.  She never eats cake, only the frosting.  But "Short Frosting" didn't have quite the ring to it.)

Thanks for your understanding, as I work to make this blog a little more "less public", without going private.

Im a Woman, Im allowed....

....to change my mind.  :)

I didn't realize that making my blog private, would also make it so that I can only have 100 people read it.  I have a larger reading base than that...so I am staying public.  However - I will be changing the children's names to code names. 

I hope that you will join me for the next entry...coming soon!

I don't want to...but....

My ex has asked me to go private.  So...if you want to continue following the blog -- then please send me your email address.  If you are a stranger...you must identify yourself and give me a way to see that you are real....like your blog...or who you know through me...so I can verify it.  I will leave this notice up for two weeks and then take the big leap.  :(    I may just have a public blog that doesn't identify me totally....and then post family stuff privately.  We'll see.  Until then....I hope to hear from you!

Uncle Crazy Pants...

THIS is what happens....

when Uncle Randy comes to visit. 

And...

IF you're lucky....

He will allow you to give him a free pedi when all the TORTURE is through.

This makes for a pretty, cool, Uncle.

That Depends....Does He Wear DEPENDS?

You have to be very, very specific in the "qualities" you want in a man! 

Just tonight, my girlfriend was laughing at me about something I said in regards to dating. 

She had asked if I had any new "love" interests. 

I was telling her about his really "promising" guy I had been texting and talking to on the phone.  

It hadn't really, "panned out" though, and I was disappointed. 

She just thought it was funny when I whined at the end of the whole discussion:

"But, but, this one was EMPLOYED!!"

Yes, my friends, the pickin's are THAT slim. 

You can understand, then...

why I found this comic to be so, completely hilarious:

You are not Invisible to Him... Happy Mother's Day

Dear Single Men....

You never know what lies...just below the surface.

Dear Single Men,

Take a chance on the girl with the acne...she can't help that she has it.  And, if you hit on her while she has a big zit on her nose....trust me...you'll get bonus points for seeing past THAT and into her eyes.  Acne goes...those eyes are forever.

Take a chance on the girl with the extra weight...she's working on it.  Besides, she may be an excellent cook.  And...The girls who aren't given a chance (because of their weight) have often spent their time working on other ways to be beautiful to you.

Take a chance on the single Mom.  She's a tough cookie.  She'll give you 110% and do it well.

Take a chance on the girl with the wrinkles...she's earned them and she may be full of wisdom and experience.

Take a chance on the girl who dresses less fashionably.  She lives within her means, even if it means she can't dress like everyone else. If her clothes are old and full of holes...perhaps she puts the needs of her kids before her own.  She wishes more than anything that she could dress better...but she can't right now.  When it's time for her to dress up for you...watch out!

Take a chance on the girl with dry, cracked hands.  She works hard, plays hard, cleans well, and is softer than you ever knew - on the inside. 

Take a chance on the girl who is always late.  She may be bad with time, but excellent with love.  She may have been late because she was talking to a friend in need, or taking extra time on her make-up to look good for YOU. 

Take time on the shy girl.  For once you get-to-know her you might realize that someone amazing lies within.  And once she 'opens up'...it will be like opening a present.

Take a chance on the girl who seems unorganized.  She won't be able to find her keys...but she'll always know where the key to your heart is. 

Take a chance on the girl with the messy car.  You may like your car clean, but she's amazing with all that she can accomplish in a day.  She can make it to ten or fifteen places in a day and, quite frankly, she doesn't have time for loose french fries.  She'll get to them later. (Refer back to "girl with cracked, dry hands" and remember "she cleans well"). 

Take a chance on the girl with the chaotic household.  She really plays with her children, she talks to them, and she may even take time to herself to read books on "How to be a Better Lover".  She knows what's important in life. And the dishes will wait until after your hot, romantic interlude that night. 

And finally....

Take a chance on the girl with the stretch marks at the swimming pool.  I have no good reason for this...except that girls with stretch marks need love too.  And, I eventually need to find a mate.  So, just give her a chance, would ya???  

Thanks. 

Sincerely,

The Girl Next Door

Egg-cellent Memories

We were so excited...

My Mom was able to get the Easter Bunny to come and see us at her house on Easter Day! The kids, of course, were not aware this was going to happen. So, as the moment approached, the adults grew excited to see their reactions.

I knew one thing for sure. McKenna was NOT going to love it. She hates, HATES anything in a costume. It all started with Mr. McGruff coming to the school a few years back. It hasn't gotten much better. I keep telling her that these "creatures" are just "Daddys in a costume". But she's not having it. Especially that evil and gray beast -CHUCK E. CHEESE. Who does he think he is scaring the crap out of kids day after day? It's so rude!

We had one moment where I thought McKenna might be cured of her "costume" issues.  She went with her Dad in May of 2008 to Disneyland.  She did "okay" with the costumed characters around her, I hear.  And, to my surprise, she totally enjoyed the "Princesses".  But that's only because Princesses are REAL, silly! They're not in a costume! :)

Anyhow....( Have I ever mentioned I have adult onset ADD?)....back to the topic at hand. The Easter Bunny's Entrance...

The eggs had been hidden....

And the eggs had been found....

We were all wondering who would be the random victim of Uncle Randy's sick and twisted sense of humor this year.  Berkeley was the winner!  She sat on the back steps of the deck and innocently began opening her eggs while she waited for us to go inside.  This is what was in one of her eggs:

Here was her face as she read it:

It was so funny.  She said outloud "I got a BAD egg! UH!"

We couldn't stop laughing.

Anyhow...

So I think I was telling you about when the Easter Bunny was getting ready to arrive...right?

All the girls were back in the livingroom, enjoying the discovery of what was hidden inside of their colorful, collection of eggs.   Before long....this was what appeared in the window:

It was HILARIOUS! 

McKenna ran to the front door...slammed it shut...blocked it with her body...

and yelled (as she started to hysterically cry/panic)

"I DON'T LIKE THE EASTER BUNNY !!!!"

"DON'T LET HIM IN !!!"

My twelve-year-old niece yelled:

"PEDOPHILE!!"

(Apparently- anyone peeking in a window qualifies as an instant child predator or freak,

even if you're in a bunny costume.  Perhaps, ESPECIALLY if you are in a bunny costume?

Can't say I blame Amelia...in today's world, you gotta be careful. lol) 

It was pure pandamonium until we got McKenna calmed down.  Such a fun, exciting,  moment and it's so horrifying to her.  I felt so bad.  The Bunny came in and delivered some surprises for each of the girls.  McKenna even calmed down (watching from afar) and accepted a gift from him.  She kept her distance until he quietly left...

and Easter slowly came to an end. 

Pretty soon, they'll be too grown up for this kind of fun. 
But for now...it was truly a great day.

One last picture and then I'll leave you alone....

Oh, come on, you know you wanted it!   

We hope you had a very Happy Easter, Everyone! 

Awesome

I got this new deodorant today.

The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells awesome.